The Capitalist Pull of the US
I spent 11 months in Europe. During those 11 months, I brought 4 suitcases from home – not an insignificant number of things but a significant downgrade from how I lived in the US. Even so, I had far more than my European roommates brought as we all moved into our flat together. During my time abroad, I didn’t feel as though I was lacking anything important. I had clothes, skincare, journals, and some electronics that made life a little more enjoyable. I moved into a furnished apartment but still needed to buy some basics – clothes hangers, some string lights, candles, a cozy comforter, and a few organization pieces. Beyond that, my life was essentially set and I could easily walk by home décor stores without feeling a gravitational pull towards emptying my paycheck.
Around the holidays, I nearly forgot about buying presents for friends and family. In part because they were far away but also, I didn’t feel as though there was an external pressure to do so. It didn’t feel like my worth as a friend, daughter, sister, or coworker depended on the gift I bought for that person as I had sometimes felt in the States. Gift-giving felt a bit more optional and special because of that – like it was a small token and gesture of love.
In Spain, I always felt like I had enough and I had far less than I ever had in Raleigh. Why is that?
It’s only after being home for a month and moving into an unfurnished apartment that I’m realizing the effect of social media, peers, and the pressure of instant gratification. I suddenly feel like I’m lacking and unfulfilled. Could this be in part because I’m living in an empty space? Sure. But that doesn’t explain my desire for a fake flame essential oil diffuser or a facial steamer. What’s changed really? Do I no longer have access to an entire city on my doorstep? No. Am I suddenly earning more money? Definitely not. Do I not have friends to spend time with? Nope.
It’s the culture.
In the US, we’re conditioned to want more. To want to grow in every way possible – financially, personally, our careers, our businesses, our physical spaces. It never feels like enough. Moreover, you need it now. Instant gratification feels good – you don’t want to wait for something when you can get it immediately. It’s honestly exhausting and something I never noticed before leaving. Daily, I find myself trying to remind myself that I don’t need the “perfect” couch or the newest model of some random efficiency gadget.
In Spain, there was beauty in doing things slowly and taking your time. We let our laundry dry on the roof and while that was initially so frustrating for me, I grew to love it. I loved the experience of going up to my rooftop and having quiet time while I hung each item of clothing by hand. Then, when I took them down a few hours later, the freshness of the clothes made me realize how worthwhile it is to do things slowly and with love.
I hope to find that balance back here in the US as I reacclimate. I want to remind myself daily that I don’t need to rush through my life or be the best in every way. Perfection is an unattainable goal and there’s so much love and beauty to be experienced in the journey I have in front of me. That’s where life is lived despite what social media and the world of big business tells me. Where I am and what I have is not only enough, but plenty.